Today, Ian starts a new shift at work. He will be working 11am to 7:30pm - a change from the 6:45 to 3:30 he's been working for the past 10 months or so.
If you read my story at the beginning of my blog you will have learned that I despise cooking. And here I am once again in a position of having to cook meals for my family 5 nights a week.
Ian will help as much as he can in helping to prep things for dinners...but I'm scared.
I'm scared of falling back into bad habits of looking for easy fixes.
I'm scared of being so tired by the time I get the kids fed, bathed and into bed on my own that I will have no desire to exercise.
I'm scared that I will be so busy looking after everyone else again that I will forget how to look after myself.
And I'm scared that I will end up right back where I was a few months ago....hating myself for not having the ability to be stronger.
I enter this change with cautious optimism. I'm a different person now than I was last time I was in charge of dinners and bedtime alone. But I am not exactly known for handling stress well.
Already I have had to cancel a dinner date and a hair appointment for this week. My "me" time is about to become extremely precious. My weekends, when I have my family as a whole unit, is even more valuable than that.
So I enter a part of my journey that is going to require a hell of a lot of strength and commitment. Not to a diet - to myself. To not forget me in the midst of remembering everyone else. I know I'm not the only one in the world to have to deal with "mom" tasks alone daily. I have incredible admiration for single parents everywhere, or families where a spouse is gone for long periods of time. But everyone has different struggles. Everyone adapts to situations differently. This is one that I have struggled with in the past.
I will have good days and bad days. Today is emotional. The fear is a little overwhelming. But I'm going to hold my head high and charge through it.
Ian will help as much as he can in helping to prep things for dinners...but I'm scared.
I'm scared of falling back into bad habits of looking for easy fixes.
I'm scared of being so tired by the time I get the kids fed, bathed and into bed on my own that I will have no desire to exercise.
I'm scared that I will be so busy looking after everyone else again that I will forget how to look after myself.
And I'm scared that I will end up right back where I was a few months ago....hating myself for not having the ability to be stronger.
I enter this change with cautious optimism. I'm a different person now than I was last time I was in charge of dinners and bedtime alone. But I am not exactly known for handling stress well.
Already I have had to cancel a dinner date and a hair appointment for this week. My "me" time is about to become extremely precious. My weekends, when I have my family as a whole unit, is even more valuable than that.
So I enter a part of my journey that is going to require a hell of a lot of strength and commitment. Not to a diet - to myself. To not forget me in the midst of remembering everyone else. I know I'm not the only one in the world to have to deal with "mom" tasks alone daily. I have incredible admiration for single parents everywhere, or families where a spouse is gone for long periods of time. But everyone has different struggles. Everyone adapts to situations differently. This is one that I have struggled with in the past.
I will have good days and bad days. Today is emotional. The fear is a little overwhelming. But I'm going to hold my head high and charge through it.
And I just have to remind myself, it's hard - but I'm totally worth it.
You can do it! You got this! Get the kids to help (with what they can) make it fun for you and them and hopefully it wont feel like a chore.
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