To Selfie or Not to Selfie?

The world today is so completely different than what it was when I was younger. Being a teenager we still had to go to the library to look up information if we had a paper due. We weren't instantly connected to everyone all the time. We still needed quarters for pay phones, and if your friends called you after you were out for the night, then too bad! The one thing we most definitely did not have was social media.

I don’t even remember when I got a Facebook page, but I’m pretty sure it was well after university. I've only gotten into Instagram and the whole hashtag movement in the last year or so. Smart phones with fancy cameras have very quickly gone from luxury to standard. The world today lives on instant gratification. The days of having to get a newspaper to look up what movies are playing are long gone. And with the powerful take off of social media platforms, one of the most popular things that came with it was the selfie. A simple portrait of a user’s own face that they post for friends to see. Like so:

(A recent selfie of my own)

So why is this a big deal?

Well I've had very mixed feelings over the selfie recently. So I just wanted to take a minute to share what I used to feel, what I feel now, and some interesting things that I've stumbled upon to make things even more confusing.

Until just a few weeks ago, I really disliked the idea of a selfie. Don't crucify me just yet - let me explain. To post a selfie because you got a haircut, or new glasses or a new lipstick was one thing. But keep in mind that I teach high school. I've watched teenage girls take 50 pictures of themselves before finding one that was JUST RIGHT to post on social media. It would sometimes consume almost an entire period. And then I’d find out that that might have been their third selfie of the day. And all I could think was ‘how low is their self-esteem that they require validation in the form of Facebook likes?’ I didn't assume EVERYONE who posted a selfie was out for validation, but I could definitely see how for some, it was a total cry for attention.

“Please give me likes! Tell me I’m pretty!”

Teenage girls aren't world renowned for their confidence or their positive body image. In fact, we could probably say that they are one of the groups that struggle the most with this. So hopefully you can see why my view of the selfie may have been tainted.

As a result, I took an anti selfie stance myself, only posting a small handful – usually for new hair or glasses, or goofy pictures I had taken with my kids because I swore I’d be in more pictures with them. I never really “liked” (ie, the action of liking a photo on social media) selfies – not because I didn't think they were pretty, but because I didn't want to feed into anyone’s need for validation based on looks.

And then a couple of weeks ago I went to an event here in Hamilton put on by the YWCA for female high school students. It was called the Totally Awesome Young Women’s Breakfast. There was a guest speaker there who, embedded in her talk, had a message that really resonated with me. To the point that I immediately posted a selfie retracting my previous anti-selfie attitude.

Her message was simply that why should we care if someone does happen to be seeking validation? Who are we to withhold that? If a woman wants reassurance that she looks good, then we should give it to her without hesitation because we all need a little validation sometimes, and there is no denying that a nice compliment can make you feel awesome. So in that moment, I embraced the selfie. I would empower anyone and everyone who posts a selfie. I would like those selfies until I couldn't double tap anymore. (A double tap is a like in Instagram world, just in case you didn't know)

Then I started a blog. And I realized that running a blog is WAY more than just being able to type up my story and walk away. Now I need to be interesting. I need to find topics that people enjoy reading about, and I have to research and write and entertain! So I took to the internet (something else that wasn't really around when I was younger by the way) to look for topics. And I stumbled across a very interesting article:

http://www.beautyredefined.net/selfies-and-objectification/

Here is one of the first paragraphs of this entry:

“Rather, [selfies] are a clear reflection of exactly what girls and women have been taught to be their entire lives: images to be looked at. Carefully posed, styled, and edited images of otherwise dynamic human beings for others to gaze upon and comment on. Selfies are not just images you take of yourself for yourself; they are images you take of yourself for others to see. Selfies weren’t a thing until social media made it possible to receive validation in an easy, public way online. And what have girls and women been taught from Day 1 brings them the most value? Looking good. Not being smart or funny or kind or talented — mostly just looking hot. Thus, the validation females have been taught to seek is the approval of others regarding their appearances”.

Well shit. But I just embraced the selfie?!? Now I don’t like it again??

The one thing I came to realize while reading this article is that I don’t think I was wrong before. And I don’t think I am wrong now. The truth is some combination of both.

The unfortunate thing is that there are likely those who DO rely on selfies for validation. Those who will scrutinize every picture and apply edits and filters to get a perfect picture to share. Those who will become sullen or depressed if they receive an inadequate number of likes on a particular photo. And those who will compare their image to countless others to rank themselves in terms of beauty.

The one part where I do believe I had it wrong is with empowerment. According to these women who wrote the linked article above, if you are looking for my “likes” as your own personal form of empowerment, then you might be posting your selfie for the wrong reason. Their challenge is to be able to be and see more than just our bodies when looking for beauty. The ultimate take away message was this: “regardless of what you look like, or what you think you look like, you can feel good about yourself because you are not your appearance”. If the “like” that I give you increases your self-worth because you believe I think you are pretty, then that is not empowerment. It is short term satisfaction. Does that mean I’m wrong for liking it? I don’t think so. Does that make you wrong for enjoying that I liked it? I don’t think so either. There is no doubt that when someone tells me I look nice, I feel awesome, so why on earth would I not enjoy a like on my own selfie, or be glad that you enjoy the likes on your selfies? But I do believe if this is the only way you ever feel good about yourself, then there is a problem.

So with this, I challenge us all to take a step back and reflect. Why do YOU selfie? Many of us may not even understand what we feel when we post a selfie because we've never stopped to think about it! It's just automatic because SO MANY of us do it! What would happen if you posted a selfie and no one liked it? How do you feel when you post a selfie and you get dozens of likes? Have you ever posted a selfie where you didn’t think you looked just right? Does a selfie really indicate too much value placed on beauty? If our bodies are not ornaments, should any of this matter?

And here's a big one...

Can we be body positive and NOT think we are beautiful?? (that, my friends, is a discussion all on it's own!)


I’d love to know your thoughts! Please comment!

(and literally minutes after posting this, I found this video while working on another blog post - The video is all about Selfies and the POSITIVE they can do! It really is such an interesting conversation!)